Learning of his visitors he rushed to greet them. Pelle took him aside to speak about some money issue, leaving Ingeburg and Rebecca alone."Pelle told me that you know traders of spice?" Ingeburg tried to start."Yes, my Uncle Avraham sells pepper, ginger, and other spices. You want I show you the way?" That is kind of you, Rebecca. I better tell Pelle first." Yes, you better do," Rebecca agreed.She led Ingeburg through a corridor and into another room where Levy and Pelle were obviously speaking intently."Father, Pelle, I'll take Ingeburg to Uncle Avraham to buy some spices and other things," Rebecca announced.Pelle looked up. He fished in his purse and gave Ingeburg three silver coins."Don't spend it all," he smiled.Once outside, Rebecca looked at Ingeburg speculatively. "I've never seen Pelle so happy. He deserves to be happy. So whatever you do, don't stop it."Ingeburg blushed a deep pink. "It's rather what he does to me that makes us both happy," she whispered.Now it was. My work day was overloaded - like usual, I dropped my coffee and stained my shirt, ripped a stocking and the guy I've been trying to be semi-serious with is only interested in having a lay. Now, after being unable to decompress on my own, I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of Chardonnay and my largest - and favorite of late - wine glass while I try to write away my sorrows and frustrations. So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking.
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