..”She wrinkled her nose. “I’m not sure that’s really my sort of place.”I shrugged. “I’m not sure there’s much else.”She was about to reply when an old lady came in looking for help. I took the opportunity to get back to my studies. I didn’t want to attract more attention than I absolutely had to. I didn’t find anything that would help with the job applications though.Friday 18th MarchI got six replies back to the job applications I sent in last week. All of them said “Thanks but no thanks.” One of them added, “In the light of the remarks of your previous employer, we do not believe it would be worth your while applying for future posts here.” That pissed me off. What had Lucy said, I wondered, and how was I supposed to get another job if she was giving me a reference that said I was unemployable?I went back into the library, half hoping to see Jess in order to cheer myself up. She was there again and gave me another friendly smile. Today’s outfit was very un-librarian like, a short. With some trepidation, I realised there were holes in my life. Lines yet to be written, different ways of doing things and seeing things. Things that I had yet to learn. But I knew some things. I knew I needed to be more considered in the things I said. Internal conflict was a reason for discussion at a suitable time, not just a reason to open my mouth. 'Asking if it's okay to ask about something', was a good way to gauge things. It also gave me a chance to hear what something sounded like when I said it aloud, which on occasions was different to how it sounded in my head. For me at least, I would try to continue doing it. Also, I would gladly bend to Andrew's will. Why I ever wanted to deny myself the pleasure I received when I was good, I didn't know. As my Master's submissive, certain things were expected of me, and I would remind myself that I did them for his pleasure, not necessarily mine, whether I liked them or not. And I would try to curb my imagination. Like with Paul. I.
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