*By five to eleven I've ushered the last customers outside, turned off thepumps, washed the glasses and ashtrays, wiped down the tables, counted thetakings - never an onerous duty on a Tuesday - and developed anunshakeable conviction that if the device Ruth used on me were ever to bemass-produced then it should become enshrined in law that every maledrinker spend one night, because that's all it would take, working as abarmaid in a small provincial hotel.After delivering my message to a darkened house with a front garden soovergrown I was afraid to glance at the upstairs windows in case Iglimpsed Miss Havisham outlined there in her tattered, yellowing weddingdress, I returned to the Gladstone in time to relieve Sylvia from theministrations of the skeleton, who proceeded to regale me with the historyof his mother's gallstones and followed this captivating account with aneven more thrilling description of the surgical techniques necessary toremove them, his eyes never once moving from. This year Erin and Sara were completely into golf, Miranda already had a strong interest, and Crystal was really trying. At least, that was how Crystal seemed on the first day of practice. There was still a part of me that wondered if she was more into the accolades than golf itself. If she wasn't into golf, she wouldn't get any honors.The other great thing about this year was the assistance of Sara and Erin particularly in respect to Crystal. This gave me more time with Miranda and already on the first day I was able to work with her to tweak her drives. Off the tee, Miranda was quickly going to be even better than Sara and Erin. On the putting green, I had to make Miranda unlearn that awkward grip on her putter."Your putts are awful because you are holding it the wrong way," I told her. "Let me help you do it the right way."It would take some time. Sara and Erin didn't get good overnight either."You can't kiss me so much," I said. Sara and I were in Erin's bedroom. "Practice is not.
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