A month ago I had been straight, if not in practice then in thinking, with the occasional flash of desire for another boy. Six months ago I had been perfectly normal, a totally typical teenager, my fast paced life desired by others. I wanted Maxie more and more, and that scared me. He was completely beautiful, undeniably gorgeous, and wanting to look at him and touch him occupied most of my waking thoughts. My subconscious had other ideas. If I looked at the inside of my head I had to admit I was damaged, possibly beyond all repair. I had been raped, then refused to talk about it, tried to kill myself and then refused to talk about that. Now I either imagined Maxie's face on the man who had raped me, or I dreamed him dead. Dead and bleeding, beaten and bruised, and always beautiful. The inside of my mind scared me.Sunday night Maxie and I lay down on opposite sides of the wall to talk about our plan for Monday."What did you do?" I traced circles and spirals around the hole in the. I held the phone towards Matt and told him to say something nice to my father, he said Something Nice, and turned away. These two had had words over the time it was taking for the job to be finished.I ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed and quickly stripped off my school clothes. I changed outfits to a black bra, matching panties and a pair of black high heels. Now to attract my prey like a spider.And a spider it was as I used my best teen slasher flick scream to have Matt running into my room in seconds. I stood like a frightened school girl as Matt raced to wrap me in his arms. Spider I stammered and pointed to the pile of clothes on the floor.Matt let me go and carefully picked through the clothes, flinging each piece aside as he shook it out in the hunt for the elusive vanishing spider. When he was finished he came back to comfort me, explaining how the spider had probably run off. I just held him extra tight. I told him he was my hero.We stood in silence holding each.
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