We both cried our eyes out. I did not want to leave. Not only did I love him, I loved his family. They loved me. I was going to miss him, and all of them. I knew I couldn’t stay though. I had to get back to my ‘real’ life. He helped me pack my stuff, and we loaded it in the car. We said goodbye like a million times. Even in the maddening rain he came out to the car, to wish me one last goodbye. We kissed for the last time. It was frantic, desperate. I was crying my eyes, out, still. He pulled back from me, gently wiping my tears away. Before he shut the door, he pointed to his eye, touched his heart and pointed at me. That’s the last image I have of him. It will stay with me until the day I die. As the car pulled away, I refused to look back. I knew he’d be standing in the rain, crying, and I didn’t want that image in my head. I was an absolute mess. I cried on the plane so hard the stewardess came over to make sure I was okay and not having a medical problem. All the business. The early iterations of the night vision equipment were very difficult to get used to. Peripheral vision and depth of field were severely diminished. Spatial disorientation—vertigo—was an all too common and potentially deadly phenomenon. As stress increased—as the ‘pucker factor’ became more pronounced—while flying under blacked out, night conditions, the absurd attempt to fly visually using equipment not really intended for the three dimensional world of flying while also relying on a confusing array of flight instruments often led to the same result: over-controlling the aircraft. It would start almost imperceptibly and quickly deteriorate into severe over control and, ultimately, loss of control. Flying a few feet off the ground or trees—‘nap of the earth’—there was little margin for error. He had a handful of aging warrant officers who had done at least one tour in combat—most, like their CO had two tours—but not a single commissioned officer who had ever been shot at. The guys.
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