And I wasextremely healthy. They prescribed a different level of hormones,saying I needed a maintenance dose, which should have less effecton my fertility.While there, I spoke several times to a psychiatrist whospecialized in children with what he called gender confusion. Herecommended a specific counselor in our area, but told me that Iseemed to be on a good track when I explained what I was planningto do.The four of us sat down together that Saturday morning overbreakfast. Mom was still scared, and both Joyce and Emil wereafraid I was going to do something foolish, or leave, or both. Ihad Mom give the rundown on my physical. Then, slowly sipping myorange juice, I made my announcement."I have decided that I am going to stay Cindy. And probably livethe rest of my life as a woman." Everyone jumped up and grabbedand hugged me. I finally had to pry them off and get them to sitdown. "The psychiatrist I spoke with said I can, if I want, learnto be a boy and eventually a man. He said that. ” A nod.Fifteen minutes of silence later Wendy pulled up behind the studio. Melody and Lissa were frantically silent when I looked back at them. They were holding onto each other like that would save the world. Wendy slammed on the brakes and we all piled out and rushed the door. We pushed through the clothing and found Kate sitting alone in the middle of the studio floor. She was surrounded by drawings and sketchbooks, many of which had been torn apart. Tears were flowing down her cheeks as she repeated, “Shit. Garbage. Sophomoric. Crap.”“Kate! What are you doing? Don’t ruin your art!” I yelled as I rushed toward her.“Stay away! Liars! Liars! All of you are liars! It’s all garbage!”“That’s not true, Kate. I love your art.”“Don’t patronize me. You of all people. You with so much talent you have to hide it. Nothing I have will ever be as good as yours. You told me I was good. I believed you. And you hide what you can do so I won’t feel bad. Well, I do feel bad! I can’t work here. I.
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