It made me wonder how long my father was planning this transformation forme. I really don't mind dressing as a woman, but I did resent the factthat a lot of the current decisions were forced on me. I think I need totalk to my father about his high-handed treatment of me.I then went to the huge walk-in closet. There were a lot of dresses andskirted suit sets hanging in there. There was also about a hundred pairsof shoes there. None with less than a 3 inch heel though. I definitelyhave to talk to my father about that. Heels are very uncomfortably aftera period of time and it would be nice to have a pair of flats or two, forcomfort sake. Maybe if more men wore women's clothes they wouldappreciate all the torture women go through.I noticed the photos of me throughout my childhood were displayedthroughout the room. But there was something different about them. Ittook me a few seconds to realize that they were alter to show me as beingraised as a girl. It seemed to me that my. . .LOST LOVE'S LAMENTATIONShe wore roses where the nipplesOf her breasts should be, and flowersFloated in her hair, and there were chocolatesStored down there, among the petalsOf her soft, pink femininity, waiting to blossom,Just for me, back then, when I was youngAnd had not seen the blooms that menOffer upon upright stems, and I wanted herTo love me, to flower, just for me, once,Upon a time, way back. . . then. . . . HEDONISTIC GIRLWe seek ourselves in metaphors,Never knowing who or what we areUntil we learn who and what we are not,And, bereft of the opposite sex,I wonder as I wander, seeking, on my quest,A mirror to mirror my true soul,A fountain of the deep that is deeper yetThan the soul I keep, a looking-glassThat does not look upon a topsy-turvyWorld of white rabbits and caterpillars,But it is too much, I think, to ask,And I simplify, hearing, smelling, tasting,Touching, blind to the rest of me,Insensible to revelation, sightless to epiphany,My only metaphor the perceptionOf.
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