"I'm glad you stayed," she said, coming back into the room."You told me to," I reminded her."Yes, but I wasn't sure you would." Why?" I know what men want, Bob," she said. "And I know how some of them react when you deny them what they want." And you think all I want is sex?" I was disappointed, both in her for thinking it, and in me for not making it clear to her that I was actually interested in her as a human being."I don't know what to think," she said. "I want to say I'm not used to dealing with decent men, but that's probably not true. A lot of my customers are great guys." She frowned. "And you didn't call me." I didn't call you because I was giving you the requested time and space to think," I said."Well next time, call me and tell me that," she said."Got it," I said. "I'm leaving now." Why?" Because I am a man, and you look good, but I'm still pretty sure that's not why you told me to stay." I gave her time to tell me I was wrong, but she didn't.Instead, she came up to me,. It turned out she was everything to me and I’d never known it: my reason for living, my reason for writing, for getting out of bed in the morning and for going to sleep at night. After that initial numb shock, I wanted to die, and wanted to die every day, every minute of every day. I’d lived for her eyes to see me and her ears to hear me and no one else would do, nothing else would substitute. I was used to the pain of losing women, but this was truly devastating. Lexi was the one I’d revealed myself to at great pain, and I thought that pain had purchased something. It hadn’t. In the end your pain matters only to yourself. And what made it all so much more incalculably worse than a normal break-up—what made it so insulting, so offensive and hurtful—was the fact that she had dropped me for someone new. She had someone new to love and be loved by, someone she loved better and more deeply than she’d loved me, someone who touched her in ways I’d never touched her, someone she gave.
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