Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough, however, once she killed herself I. “You’re welcome.” I took her hand and pulled her closer, into my arms. As she drew near me, I lightly kissed the corner of her mouth, anxious to see her response. A slight gasp was followed by her exhaled breath as she melted against me. Krista turned her mouth to meet mine, and we kissed hard. A pressure built in the air; a tension so palpable you could touch it, taste it. The pressure of our kiss softened as we both started to enjoy the delectable sensation of ardent desire. Krista’s lips parted slightly, and my tongue slid teasingly along her bottom lip. She flicked her tongue at mine, then gently broke the kiss and stepped away. I followed her to the glass window of the studio. “I don’t want to get you in any trouble, but I really want you right now,” she said. What’s a guy to do? “I’ve wanted you pretty much since the first time I saw you.” “No, I mean, I want you, right here, right now. Is anyone around that could get you in trouble?” “My producer is out right now; I’m.
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