Relax. It'll all work out, you'll see ... We'll make it better, you and I..."She took a deep breath and expelled it, striving for calm. It wasn't entirely easy to do."Calm..." he said. "There's nothing out there—nothing to bother you, nothing to scare you. There's nothing to be afraid of..."He let his hands drift across her body. If he were to hold her naturally when she faced away from him, he would find his hands capping her breasts. It was sometimes a constant battle not to do that; but hands on her breasts scared her. Unless she was ready for them.He traced her breasts at random, his hands courseless and wandering. She wore a loose, thin nightgown that rippled as his fingers moved over them, graced the curve of her breasts. She shuddered a little, leaning into the sensation. It felt marvelously, marvelously good. It was completely unfair how good he felt.His hands disappeared for a moment, leaving her alone, and she wanted to whimper at their absence. But his hands were behind. He moved away before any relationship could develop. He happened to fit my “type” as an adult. A few years later, Big Bear recounted a conversation that occured during a scheduled absence from that chemistry class, which I diligently copied into my journal.“Oh my god what if she comes back hotter than she was?” says mini-R___ in chemistry Freshmen year, “Like she comes back this really hot babe.”“Then we’re hosed” Big Bear said.When I hinted at my own attitude toward sex it was laughed off as a joke. I'm not sure how they would have reacted if they knew I dreamed of them all taking turns on me. Even when I was dirty minded, none of the males I interacted took it as an invitation. 07/05/---dI have some interesting news to note. According to L_____ I am considered “Most Horny” in our school. I was astonished and flattered upon hearing this. “Really?! I know they think I’m the most dirty-minded girl.”“Well they also think the horniest. Well the most openly horny girl.” I think L_____.
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