So, what had happened to the pretty, confident girl in that last photo?What road had I travelled to get from that young ingenue to the confused,frightened young man, standing before the two women in my life, wearinglipstick?That last weekend I was dressed, when I was fourteen, had started like mostothers. My brothers and my father had gone off to a hockey tournament inCanada. Perhaps that was part of the problem - because Mother and I andJanie had a whole weekend, instead of just a day, we let our guard down,and got caught up in how much fun we were having, three girls together.Mother decided that because we had lots of time, we could do some fun girlythings that we might otherwise not be able to do. Besides, Mother had someother cravings - she had wanted not just the girl she had been denied, shehad wanted a LITTLE girl. I mean, it was also fun for her to play atgrown-up girl things with me, like makeup, but she was feeling me start togrow up, and she missed her little baby. I might not be beautiful like a model, but I’m not over weight and I have regular features, a smallish nose and a generous mouth and I think I look young for 41 if I say so myself. But that reflection didn’t help me as the day wore on. I finally decided that if Hal wasn’t there I’d be no worse off than usual, I’d just have pick up some homeless guy hanging around like I’d done many times before. *** As it turned out Hal was waiting in the park and I took him to my car and drove us to my house. Unlike the other guys he wouldn’t let me do him as he was. He said that even though he was homeless he had his pride. So finally I stopped trying to dissuade him from a shower and let him take one. While he was in the shower I suddenly decided that I needed one too. After all I’d been sweating all day too. I hoped that he wouldn’t mind if I climbed in with him, I figured most men would look at something like that as a bonus. And I was right about that. Hal was scrubbing his hairy body and.
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